My trip begins & ends with the plane rides from H*LL Part 1

Ok, so I am off to sunny Southern California to see my beautiful family. I am flying Delta & for the first time I use the kiosk to check in for my flight. Slick! Make it thru Security no problem & to my gate. At the gate I meet this very nice lady with the cutest little PUG dog ever, so it is nice to have something to pass the time. I am not the best "flyer" in the world, so anything to keep my mind off crashing is a good thing! I check in...flying to Long Beach, CA USA

I start down to go to the plane & I walk & walk & walk ... now I am in the bowels of the Delta terminal (warehouse feel) looking at all of these really small planes. Thinking to myself, if I see propellers on my plane, I am turning around & going home. To get to my plane, I have to walk outside & up the stairs to get on.

At the base of the stairs I am told that I have to check my bag because it is too big to fit in the overhead. It's a duffle bag...but whatever. I hand over my bag & get my pink ticket. I go up the stairs. The flight is FULL! I settle in to my seat, when a nice Chinese lady sits next to me. All is quite or so I think...THEN

A couple gets on with 1 1/2 year old twins and they sit right behind me. GREAT! As everyone settles in, our steward ...to be know from now on as "Chuckles the Clown" says to the TINY couple in front of me..."We need to redistribute the weight of the plane" would you mind moving to the back." They move. Then he says to the TINY lady next to them, "Still have a problem with the weight - would you mind moving back" No problem - she moves. At this point my hands are starting to sweat. All pride goes out the window & I say ... " I probably weigh more than all 3 of those TINY people put together - would you like me to move as well?" "Nope" says Chuckles we SHOULD be OK!" SHOULD BE OK...SHOULD BE OK... Yep I'm gonna die! Thru take-off I am shooting as many "arrow prayers" straight up to heaven as I can, thankfully someone up there likes me" We are in the air. No sooner then...

You guessed it, the beautiful TWINS start screaming! They don't stop screaming until we touch down. I totally understand why - their ears hurt but come on that is what Benadryl is for. Just a little bit makes the trip so much more appealing for the rest of us. But of course, THEY are the only ones on the plane.

I get my peanuts & Diet Coke and try to relax...too much turning for my taste, but then again I am not a good flyer. The seatbelt light goes off & we are told that we can use our cell phones if they are in the "airplane safe mode" the lady next to me has an old phone that I am sure DOES NOT have the "airplane safe mode" and uses it for the rest of the flight. Even after "Chuckles" tells her 3 times to turn it off. I am sure at this point that precious power is being taken away from the plane & I am about the throw it down the aisle...when we start our descent. TWINS screaming louder (if possible) TOUCH DOWN...(whew!)

I wait to get off the plane so as not to get in anyone's way. I go to de-plane & this nice, handsome young man is standing at the front of the plane in a suit. Huh I think to myself, he dressed up for the flight - his mother would be so proud. As I go to walk by I notice that he has wings on his lapel - so I ask..."Are you the pilot?" "Yes ma'am" (GREAT) "How old are you?" "Just turned 27"...I ran down the stairs as fast as I could...TWINS still screaming off in the distance...

I get my bag & find my sister ... who promptly takes me into "TRAFFIC from H*LL" but that is a whole different story!